Predictions for the 2013 Sprint Cup season

Credit: Lisa Janine Cloud/Skirts and Scuffs

With the 2012 season in the rear view mirror, I'm looking ahead to the 2013 season. While this off season has not been as full-throttle of a "Silly Season" as last year's was, there are still enough unknowns to make it difficult to predict with any degree of certainty who will make the Chase, who will win races or who will be most successful in adapting to the new cars.

So I'm making predictions of a less-serious nature. The list below is for entertainment purposes only. I intend no disrespect to any driver, owner or team.

1. Brad Keselowski will make a run at the Sprint Cup Championship again. This time, Miller will be ready with a tanker truck full of Miller Lite outfitted with a special hose for the celebration.

2. Penske Racing will lift the overall performance of Team Ford with his overall approach to success: put good people in place, get out of their way and let them do their jobs. Team Ford wants to drink beer in Victory Lane and on SportsCenter at Homestead, too. Pennzoil plans to just give out gift cards and loaves of sandwich bread if Joey Logano wins.

Credit: Lisa Janine Cloud/Skirts and Scuffs
3. Roush Fenway Racing will adopt the Penske dress code of black slacks with a neatly pressed crease and starched white shirts, prompting GQ to feature Carl Edwards on the cover, but with the shirt open to show off his washboard abs.

4. Greg Biffle's sponsor 3M will make a giant Post-It Note pad so their driver can remind Jack Roush to "Stick with the Biff."

5. Zest will supply Ricky Stenhouse Jr.'s team with plenty of soap to use on Ricky Stenhouse Jr.'s mouth if he gets too feisty on the radio during races. They're also looking at the logistics of creating Zest body wash bubbles in victory lane if the rookie wins in his first full Cup season.

6. Richard Childress Racing will see their overall Sprint Cup performance improve despite Kevin Harvick's plans to leave after the 2013 season. Budweiser, not to be outdone by Miller, will have the Clydesdales at every race and are designing a special Sprint Cup Championship keg for their Victory Lane appearances. Somehow, Kenny Schrader manages to be near the keg all the time.

7. Jeff Burton pushes to make the currently honorary title of "Mayor of the NASCAR Garage" an official one.

Credit: Lisa Janine Cloud/Skirts and Scuffs
8. With Danica Patrick running her first full season in Sprint Cup, Stewart-Haas Racing owner Tony Stewart schedules the GoDaddy Girl for some dirt-track races to help her with car control and on-track retaliation. He also includes a special segment on throwing equipment, with the assistance of JTG Racing's Bobby Labonte and ESPN's Dale Jarrett.

9. All four Hendrick drivers make the Chase again. For good luck, Mr. Hendrick has them each wear Penske Racing hats in all their pressers.

Credit: Lisa Janine Cloud/Skirts and Scuffs

10. Michael Waltrip Racing's Mark Martin and Clint Bowyer become personal trainers for the entire Sprint cup garage. Mark Martin will hold weightlifting classes featuring the beats of his alter-ego Epic Swag, while Clint Bowyer leads the official "Sprint Cup Sprint-Through-the-Garage" obstacle course. Media will be allowed to participate in Bowyer's sessions, just so they will be able to keep up. 

11. Earnhart-Ganassi racing prohibits Juan Pablo Montoya from using any song with the word "Fire" in it for driver introductions at any track. The organization celebrates their change to Hendrick horsepower by offering to give Rick Hendrick a ride on Jamie McMurray's car window. Mr. Hendrick declines. 

12. Denny Hamlin and Kyle Busch welcome their new teammate Matt Kenseth by sneaking over to his house and spray-painting it orange with white trim. They also begin calling him "One-Time" in the style of Jimmie Johnson's nickname "Five-Time." Kenseth retaliates by calling Busch "Also-Ran" and Hamlin "Miss Congeniality."

Janine, aka Lisa or LJ, Cloud, a fifth-generation Texan, lives in Houston and considers Texas Motor Speedway her home track.

She's been a part of the Skirts and Scuffs team since May, 2011, going from contributor to media rep, photographer, and associate editor covering both NASCAR and IZOD IndyCar. Janine considers it a privilege to represent the site at the track and to share with readers the excitement of the world of motorsports.

Follow her on Twitter @ljc777, or on Pinterest
Predictions for the 2013 Sprint Cup season Predictions for the 2013 Sprint Cup season Reviewed by Janine Cloud on Sunday, December 30, 2012 Rating: 5